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Womenage a Trois

Women's True Banal Stories - womenageatrois@gmail.com

Junho 28, 2006

FuckItAll

I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day, ok. And I am never fucking quitting! I don't care how many laws they make. What's the law now? You can only smoke in your apartment, under a blanket, with all the lights out? Is that the rule now, huh?! The cops are outside, "We know you have the cigarettes. Come out of the house with the cigarettes above your head." "You'll never get me copper! I'm never coming out, you hear? I got a cigarette machine right here in my bedroom. Yeah!"
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies. So I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time. I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies all the way around my neck. I'll be Tracheotomie Man! "He can smoke a pack at a time! He's Tracheotomie Man!"
I'm looking forward to cancer, man. I want that throat cancer. That's the best kind. You know why? You get that throat cancer, you get that voice box thing. Know what I'm talking about? ..[Talking as if has a voice box].. Sure it's scary, but you can make a lot of money with a voice box. Get a voice box, walking around the streets of Manhattan, "[VB] You got any spare change?" "Ahhh!! Here's my whole wallet, get away from me! Ahh!"
(...)
I can remember a time in this country when men were proud to get cancer, God dammit! When it was a sign of manhood! John Wayne had cancer twice. Second time, they took out one of his lungs. He said, "Take 'em both! Cuz I don't fuckin' need 'em! I'll grow gills and breathe like a fish!"
Babe Ruth, greatest baseball player to ever play the game. He had a voic box. He was the first American to have a voice box. Yeah! "[VB] This is Babe Ruth, the Sultan of Swat, the Bambino, I smoke twenty-five God damn cuban cigars a day. I had meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I fucked eighteen prostitutes a night! 'course, I'm dead now. I'm up here in heaven. Lou Gehrig is up here with me. God love Lou Gehrig. Jesus Christ, poor Lou Gehrig. Died of Lou Gehrig's disease. How the hell did he not see that coming? You know. We used to tell him, Lou, there's a disease with your name all over it, pal! There ain't no Babe Ruth disease, I'll tell you that much right now. Have a hot dog and a Hummer. Go ahead, it's on me."
(...)
Because we tried to be nice to you non-smokers. We fucking tried. Okay? You wanted your own sections in the restaurants. We gave you that, huh. But that wasn't enough for you. Then you wanted the airplanes. We gave you the whole God damn plane! You happy now? You own the fucking plane! I'd like an explanation about that one folks because I will guarantee you if the plane is going down, the first announcement you're gonna hear is, "Folks, this is your Captain speaking. Look, uhm, light 'em up, 'cause we're going down, okay. I got a carton of Camels non-filters, I'll see you on the ground. Take it easy."
(...)
The filters the best part. That's where they put the heroine. Only us real good smokers know that fucking secret. Yeah, we tried to be nice to you non-smokers. We tried. But you just fucking badger us, you know? You won't leave us alone! You got all your little speeches you're always giving to us. All these little facts that you dig out of a newspaper or pamphlet and you store that little nugget in your little fucking head, and we light up and you spew 'em out at us, don't ya? I love these little facts. "Well you know. Smoking takes ten years off your life." Well it's the ten worst years, isn't it folks? It's the ones at the end! It's the wheelchair kidney dialysis fucking years. You can have those years! We don't want 'em, alright!? And I guarantee if I'm still alive, I'll be smoking then.
(...)
Because you're always telling us, "You know, ever cigarette takes six minutes off your life. If you quit now you can live an extra ten years. If you quit now, you can live an extra twenty years." Hey, I got two words for you, ok. Jim Fix. Remember Jim Fix? The big famous jogging guy? Jogged fifteen miles a day. Did a jogging book. Did a jogging video. Dropped out of a heart attack when? When he was fucking jogging, that's when! What do you wanna bet it was two smokers who found the body the next morning and went, "Hey! That's Jim Fix, isn't it?" "Wow, what a fucking tragedy. Come on, lets go buy some buds."
It's always the yogurt sprout eating mother fuckers who get run over buy a bus drive by a guy who smokes three and a half packs a day. "Sorry officer, I didn't see him. I was too busy smoking!"

In No Cure for Cancer

Junho 27, 2006

Shyznogud

Junho 26, 2006

Shyznogud

Fica uma gaja sem cá vir durante dois dias e quando chega a casa encontra-a vazia? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear... vou ter que ser eu a debicar a "proposta de referedo" que vos deixei a marinar? Hum, não sei, não. Não serei demasiado parcial para me poder dedicar a escrever sobre esta pergunta: "2) Concorda que a lei permita a geração de um filho sem um pai e uma mãe biológicos unidos entre si por uma relação estável?"?

Junho 23, 2006

Cenas Obscenas

Uma bola de sebo que percorre (ou rebola) pelas ruas de Lisboa, peluda, barbuda, minorca, afectada, intelectualmente presunçosa e convencida, com uma voz ridícula e ar deslavado, óculos fullscreen, tiques de personagem dos filmes do Marco Ferreri e que alimenta devaneios frustrados por actrizes francesas dos anos 60, nomeadamente uma começada por B e acabada em T e com as letras i-s-s-e pelo meio e que escreve aleivosias nos jornais causaria que impressão a uma chinesa recém-chegada a Portugal? Ninguém adivinha? Eu ajudo, A, B ou C?

...

Junho 23, 2006

Shyznogud

Não digam que eu não avisei

Ainda não é o Dante's Inferno mas aproxima-se a passos largos. Ah! porquê escolher isto e não qualquer outro instrumento de tortura? Ora, porque o título diz tudo, este blog está too shy(z), shy(z).

Junho 22, 2006

Shyznogud

"(...)Há também as pessoas: as vozes são esganiçadas e contundentes, criando uma atmosfera de permanente agressão. As mulheres parecem tábuas de engomar com aquele andar de patas-chocas que define a gravidez avançada. Apesar das mini-saias frequentes não há nelas (e também não há neles) a menor sensualidade. Há sociedades, como a italiana, em que a libido se desencadeia em todos os lugares, da paisagem às pessoas. Aqui, é o contrário. Tudo isto funciona mecanicamente e por vezes de uma forma bruta e desagradável.(...)"

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